Broken
by Madame Batolli
Summary: One-shot. An introspective, stream of consciousness fic focusing on betrayal. I actually surprised myself with this one, I'm not used to writing this way. I guess you could call it a T/G/M.


Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ and I'm not making any money from this.  
  
A/N: I don't quite know where this came from, but I sat down to write something, and this was the result. Let me know what you think, and if I'm any good at writing this style, 'cause I was quite nervous about posting this. Oh, and the punctuation is meant to be inconsistent, just so you know. *smile*  
  
Dedicated to Bloodlust Night - because calling me an idol made me smile all day. *huge hugs* (Hopefully it's a good thing that this is dedicated to you, like I said, I'm nervous about this one. Hope you like it!)  
  
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Broken  
  
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You used to love me. It used to be so beautiful, we used to be so beautiful, together, smiling, laughing. You'd hug me close and whisper in my ear all these wonderful things, and I'd cling onto you as if you'd leave me if I let go. You promised you wouldn't, you flashed that beautiful smile and said you'd never go, we'd never be apart. You promised.  
  
Now all that's left is me, broken, crushed, all those other feelings being with you used to be able to banish with just one smile, one look of amusement in those breathtaking azure pools, those clear beautiful pools, they reflected so much, so many feelings. you always said my thoughts were too flowery, you just called them eyes, you said.  
  
I didn't fall for you straight away, when I met you I was jaded, cynical, already broken, I didn't like to feel too much, think too much, I shrugged off love, invited the cold, I used to like summer, remember how we'd sit together in the sunshine, you ran through the sprinkler like a child, and I joined you, we laughed as the spray drenched us, ended up laying in the long grass in the field behind my house I had my first kiss there did you know that to dry off, then we named the clouds.  
  
You flashed me such a genuine smile when we met, held out your hand in greeting, expected me to shake it didn't you I never lived up to your expectations I glared at you. You laughed at me and said I was beautiful when I glared.  
  
I glared at you then, too. When you told me. Was I beautiful then did you still think I was beautiful when I glared at you then?  
  
Why did you tell me? You couldn't just keep it to yourself, could you? Had to blurt his name out, had to tell me, had to unburden yourself, didn't you? Why did you have to tell me? I had no idea, you couldn't have kept it that way, could you, you had to tell me didn't you always had to be honest didn't you always so sincere wore your heart on your sleeve didn't you never could lie to me.  
  
You told me you had to tell me the truth because you loved me. Didn't want to hurt me you said, told me it had to be this way, best for both of us you said while you shredded my heart, said it wasn't fair to me. You were always fair though, weren't you always had such a concrete grasp of right and wrong couldn't ever lie to me could you?  
  
You took me out for dinner that time can you remember the end of the first date you kissed me then held me close, said you'd see me again, you were always like that weren't you? You grabbed my hand said we were going out on a date whether I liked it or not, you told me, said if I didn't have fun you'd leave and we'd never have to see each other again, I promised myself I wouldn't have fun, told you I never liked your type, said you were irritating, I never wanted you to get too close to me, thought I'd just end up hurting you.  
  
I didn't want to hurt you.  
  
Heh. Sounds funny now, kinda pathetic, eh? You introduced me to him, said he was your best friend, you'd been friends since you were kids you said. He was like you, always smiling always making jokes, we got pretty close the three of us, you smiled and said I looked so happy, told me I looked the most carefree you'd ever seen me.  
  
I should have known when I came in from work and saw your face, you looked so serious, I'd never seen you so serious, it looked like you'd been crying, I shrugged it off, you never cried, it was always me who cried, you who held me, I felt so safe, enveloped in those warm arms, everything would be okay as long as you stayed with me, I knew it would be fine as long as you were there, fell asleep in your embrace, you stroked my hair, you always said you loved my hair would you love it now?  
  
After you left I sat in front of that mirror in our bedroom, remember how I'd stood in front of that mirror and you'd come up behind me, slipped your arms around my waist, rested your chin on my shoulder we stayed like that for a while, just gazing at our reflections. I put my hands on yours and smiled and you told me I was the best thing that ever happened to you, I laughed, you always were a charmer, clumsy about it but that's what made you more charming to me did he feel the same?  
  
You didn't say anything about it just that he loved you and you loved him and you were sorry. I wanted details, when was it that you started loving him more than me when was your first kiss was he that much better than me could he make you moan like I could?  
  
I was humiliated, I'm always humiliated but then again you knew that didn't you? That's why you wouldn't tell me the details you said it would hurt me too much that it was best if you just left, you said I deserved better.  
  
I hit you. I've never hit you before have I, I didn't mean to I swear I didn't want that, didn't want to see you bring one hand to your stinging face and stare at me, shock, hurt, resignation, pity in those eyes that always told me what you were thinking. Didn't want your pity, didn't need it. I just needed you to smile.  
  
My hair's short now, I grabbed the kitchen scissors those yellow handed ones, you know the sharp ones I cut myself on them once, right on the end of my finger I was trying to cut the tag from the new jeans I'd bought don't you hate the plastic stuff they use to attach tags to clothes you can never pull them off without them digging into your fingers and you took my hand and pressed your lips to my fingertip and I watched as my blood pooled on your lower lip and you gave me this grin that made me feel all light- headed but in a good way. You picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, said I looked like I needed to lay down, then you laid with me and before I'd been apprehensive about it because to me it's the most precious gift you can give a person and I didn't know if I was ready to give it away yet but when I looked at you I didn't need to worry because I knew.  
  
You were wonderful, everything about you was wonderful, I should have realised back then you were too good to be true there had to be something. But all I could see was you and you held me close you were always so gentle how could I give myself to anyone else now?  
  
I never did have a steady hand, never could draw because of that, I wanted to be an artist when I was little but never had the skill so I stopped trying, heh, looking at my reflection I see that hairdressing would have never been my forte either, because both sides are supposed to be the same length aren't they not different lengths oh well I never was like anyone else.  
  
Remember when it rained that time and we had to share that little umbrella of mine, it wasn't very expensive, my mother didn't believe in spending money when you could avoid it, the wind made my umbrella turn inside out and you laughed and took it off me and we ran through the streets together, splashing in puddles, and I laughed so much my stomach hurt, people stared like we were lunatics is that what they call people like me?  
  
I'm sorry I hit you, I never meant to.  
  
It wasn't supposed to be like this I was supposed to hurt you, I was cold where you were warm we were always an odd couple polar opposites someone once said. I was inconsistent with my affections, open one minute, hiding the next. You were always so patient. I never meant to give you my heart, if I'd known before then maybe things would have been different.  
  
I wish I could hate you both, you hurt me so much you'd think it would be easy to hate you but I can't and I hate you for that.  
  
Come back to me don't leave me I couldn't bear that we can just play pretend imagine this had never happened I'll even overlook the whole thing as long as you're with me, we're best friends the three of us can't we figure something out we could all live together I wouldn't mind that you have to believe me.  
  
Do you look at him that way, the way you used to look at me all the time when you held me and promised and whispered wonderful things in my ear? You said you'd never go do you remember that day with the sprinklers and the clouds and the stars? You promised you wouldn't go and I believed you because you were always honest and so kind and gentle and I shouldn't have broken our hug first that's what did it isn't it, it was my fault for letting you go wasn't it Trunks?  
  
I wish I could go back to those times with the long grass and the sprinklers and the umbrellas and the rain and the laughter and all those things we did when we were beautiful and I was beautiful and you used to love me. 


End file.
